


after me comes to you so easily but loving you just sticks to me

by MintQueenJo



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: (like it's kinda happy for the characters not so for the readers), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, Really this ending is unhappy, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 06:14:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20634440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintQueenJo/pseuds/MintQueenJo
Summary: He was never as taken with someone as much as he was with Alec, everything about the man was perfect. He made Magnus smile and they had a whirlwind romance. Magnus was in love more than he had ever been in love with any highschool crush. He had someone that saw every little detail of him and embraced him unconditionally.Happiness didn’t last Magnus soon found out.





	after me comes to you so easily but loving you just sticks to me

**Author's Note:**

> It's OOC and I needed to get my angst in so I could continue to write on the happy Malec story I'm planning.
> 
> Warning this is not a happy story at all. I wanted to write a heartbreak story of a couple you couldn't see ever going through it.
> 
> So if you are expecting a happy Malec story and ending this isn't it.

Magnus Bane lets the taller man press him back against the wall behind them, his mouth moving against the full ones. His hands grab the back of the man’s neck and some fingers play with the dark hair at the nape. He lets the man press a leg between his thighs. He lets cold hands cup his jaw and he shivers from the coldness of the wet man in front of him.

Once Magnus pulled away for air the man attached his lips to the column of his throat, “how long were you standing in the rain?”

“Thirty minutes,” was the whispered reply. “I waited thirty minutes for you, for this. So hush and let me enjoy it, enjoy you, Magnus, please?”

The older man just nodded and let himself be moved to the couch, shaky fingers started unbuttoning his suit jacket as he watched pale fingers pull the grey shirt off to expose a pale chest.

“Mags, I missed you,” lips slid down his neck, over a collarbone, tongue flicks over a nipple as they continue down. Teeth bite at the flesh on his stomach as hands unbutton Magnus’ jeans. He sits up enough to remove his shirt from his arms, his stomach quivers as the man sucks a bruise on to his hip. “Magnus, I love you so much.”

He shivers at the tone used and moans as his pants are unbuttoned, unzipped, and pulled down. A moan as the man mouths at his cock through his underwear, he raises his hips enough to let the man pull them off.

Magnus is too lost in the sensation to care that the fingers that stretch him open aren’t gentle, at the hurried motion of the fingers being pulled out. His moans are loud and long as the man thrusts wildly into him. His painted fingernails dig into the man’s shoulders. His legs are wrapped around the hips between his thighs.

“Fuck,” the man whispers as he ducks down to kiss the older man. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Magnus cries as his release washes over him, “I love you.”

The man rolls off him after his own orgasm, his chest rises and falls with his heavy pants. He rubs his face before getting up.

“Would you like to do lunch?” He sits up, pulls on his underwear, and stretches. The man doesn’t answer as he dresses, Magnus hugs him from behind hands stroking the muscled chest under them. “I can call something in.”

“I have to go.” He doesn’t turn just removes Magnus’ hands as he walks to the door, his wet clothes had left a puddle of water on the floor.

“Alexander, wait.”

The man pauses before turning the knob to the front door and disappears through it. Magnus’ face falls as he sits back down placing his head in his hands. His shoulders begin to shake with the sobs that racked his body.

Magnus Bane was only twenty-three when he met Alexander Lightwood, twenty at the time. He was shocked honestly, Alec had told him that he had never been with men before, that he liked a few women but wasn’t sure if he felt attracted to them or just men. He wasn’t even sure if he liked only men even or if it was the personal connection of any gender. Magnus just let him know that as their relationship went on they’d figure it out together, hand in hand, if Alec was gay or bisexual. It wasn’t important they decided after a few months, they had each other and that was good enough for him, Alec had told Magnus one night as he stood next to his car. That night Magnus invited Alec back home and into his bed. While being the only man he was with, Magnus noted that Alec was good with his hips regardless.

He was never as taken with someone as much as he was with Alec, everything about the man was perfect. He made Magnus smile and they had a whirlwind romance for three years. Within the first year, they talked about kids and marriage. They went to craft stores to get ideas for centerpieces and how to do the aisle. How they’d decorate their future home, and what type of kitchen and porch they would like it to have. Alec was excited to get an apartment with Magnus, a place of their own until they got that house. Magnus was in love more than he had ever been in love with any highschool crush. He had someone that saw every little detail of him and embraced him unconditionally.

They got a cat together, two in time, but they got Chairman first. He was a Maine Coon mix that Magnus had found in the alleyway next to their apartment. A kitten no older than three months, Magnus had wrapped the poor wet thing in his jacket and climbed the steps up to the apartment, a hesitant knock on the front door because he didn’t want to lose any hold on the mewling soaking bundle pressed to his chest.

“Mags?” Alec’s head poked through the crack in the open door, his hair mussed from sleep. “What is it baby? Forget your key again, ya’know I can go make you fifteen of them and you can keep three on you at all,” his voice trails off as he stares at the cat pressed to Magnus’ chest. “Magnus Bane, what is that?”

“A cat, Alexander. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if you even know what common animals are.” He smiles and brushes past his boyfriend, smiling at the kiss Alec places on his head. He takes the cat over to the kitchen sink and sets it down on the counter before clearing out a few plates from one of the basins. He turns the faucet on and lathers up some dish soap to clean the alleyway filth off the poor baby.

“I’m going to name you Chairman Meow!” Magnus made cooing noises, aware of Alec standing behind him. “And look your Daddy brought you a towel.” He lets pale hands dry off the fluff ball before Alec sets him on the floor.

“I guess I’ll go out and get litter and cat food. Why don’t you shower and then order take-out, you know what I like.” Alec walked to their bedroom to change and he was out the door with a wave.

A litter box, litter, cat food, several cat toys, and collar later, Magnus was spinning around with a foxtail cat want. Alec sat on the couch and they both giggled as Chairman excitedly pounced after it, tail impatiently twitching back and forth. Alec lifted up the chopsticks to his mouth and took a bite of noodles as he watched Magnus give another spin.

“Come eat, babe.” Magnus smiled at his boyfriend and put the cat toy up to sit next to him on the couch. Magnus excitedly told Alec about his day, about how he had lunch with Cat and how Ragnor needed his help with a collection of his, and that they ended up taking to Alec’s mother, Maryse about a book on old paintings. “That’s interesting. So mom helped, I love that you two are getting along.”

They eat in silence after that, Chairman swatting and pouncing at a catnip mouse. Magnus puts his noodle container down and turns to press himself against Alec’s chest. “I want you. Right now, Alexander. Please?” He nuzzles his face into Alec’s neck and smells his scent there, hands moving to place one at the nape of his boyfriend’s neck and the other sliding up his shirt to thumb a nipple.

Alec gives a low whine and sets his own food down, his hands go straight to Magnus’ ass in his silk pajama pants. Alec’s cock quickly hardens and presses into Magnus’ hardening cock. Their lips press together and he ruts against Alec, face pressed against the warm and firm chest under his cheek. Alec’s hands press his ass down to increase pressure and they both moan. Alec pulls Magnus’ head up to kiss him and the shorter man gives it his all. Teeth and tongue doing the most as his hips continue to roll, a wild uninhibited desire controlling him. “Fuck, Alexander.”

Alec ducks to bury his face in Magnus’ neck, both of them have their arms wrapped around each other as they rut like teenagers just discovering sex.

It doesn’t take long for Magnus to come in his pants- like he was coming for the first time -and he sits up pulling his shirt over his head. Alec smiles sitting up to pull his own off, it takes one look from Magnus’ dark eyes to have him taking a tan hand and rushing to their bedroom. They giggled as the door accidentally slammed close behind them.

Magnus rests his head against Alec’s rapidly moving chest, the sweat making their skin stick. He runs a hand up through the chest hair a small smile turns the corner of his lips up. “Alexander, I love you.” He says each word slowly, enunciating each one.

Alec’s breathy laugh is immediate, “And I love you, Magnus Bane. And one day I’m going to marry you.”

Church came next, Magnus was on the way home from his job, when the call happened. He saw Alexander flash across the screen and answered it without hesitation.

“Alexander, I’m on my way home. I was thinking I could make that chicken in lemon sauce you love so well.” Magnus was happy to ramble on, ready to be home and wait for his Alexander.

“Uh, listen I did something.” Alec’s voice was small through the phone.

Magnus paused, it was a tone of nervousness, “what did you do?” His heart started racing expecting the worst. What did Alec do? Was he hurt? In trouble?

“Listen, I’ll see you at home where I’ll explain.” The line went silent and he pulled away his phone to look at the homescreen. His heart raced and his hands started to shake as he made the dreadful walk home. The apartment was empty, save for Chairman, and Magnus shakily stood in the kitchen a cup of tea in hand. He stared at the ingredients for dinner on the counter, the recipe pulled up on his phone as he looks it over. A sip of warm tea heats his mouth and then throat before settling in his nervous belly. Every so often his eyes flick to the door and then back, no use not starting dinner he thought. Finishing the tea and washing his hands he sets to work first seasoning the chicken breasts and murmuring each step as he follows it.

He’s mixing the lemon and cream into the chicken glaze in the pan as the door opens behind him, his shoulders tense up as Alec exhales. Dark eyes watch as the sauce starts to bubble as the butter is melted in along with the dill and rosemary sprig he adds. The plate of browned chicken sits, waiting to be added.

Strong arms wrap around his middle as lips press to the top of his head, his ear, and down his neck. They part and Magnus gives a little moan as teeth close over the most sensitive spot on his neck. Hips rock into him as Alec presses himself against the cleft of his ass.

“Alexander.” It’s the only word spoken as Magnus pulls away to add the chicken to the pan as he spoons the sauce over it. He turns down the heat and puts a lid on it before turning to face Alec, a sheepish smile on his face.

“So you did a bad thing.” Magnus waits for the heartbreak.

Alec hums and then turns to a cat carrier on the floor, a grey face meows at him. He raises an eyebrow and then looks his boyfriend up and down. “So I was getting more food for Chairman and I passed by the cat adoption fait that they were doing.” He watches Alec’s face light up as he goes to open the carrier. “I put down your information too.”

Magnus turns off the stove and starts to plate the chicken, and the asparagus he had in the oven. He spoons the sauce over both before sprinkling bread crumbs and parmesan over the asparagus. Alec lets the cat out and then heads to the sink to wash his hands. “I was thinking Church. He was found in that old run down church a few blocks from the bookstore. And I knew you would have been moved about how this little guy survived that snow storm over Thanksgiving last week.”

Magnus held out the plates and Alec grabbed two wine glasses down to fill them with white wine. They sit at the table and Alec is still smiling.

“To our growing family!” Magnus holds his glass up and they clink them together, “hopefully it continues to get bigger.”

“Children or more cats, Magnus?” Alec states and takes a sip before putting the glass down, he spears a stalk of asparagus and shoves it into his mouth, decidedly happy that he wasn’t in trouble because he brought home a cat. Maybe Alec was just worried about his job and finishing his degree and didn’t want to think about bringing kids into the mix right now, Magnus decided.

He seemed far away as Magnus sat on his lap on their balcony and kissed him. He didn’t kiss back and when Magnus pulled away he made sure that Alec saw how hurt he was, “Alexander.”

He watched as an unsteady breath left the pale lips and then teeth worried the bottom lip, “I was going to do something else other than bring home another cat, ya’know. And I’m so anxious. I wanted to surprise you and I had an idea but,” he breathed and then shook his head. “But I saw Church and I just couldn’t bring him home.”

He could think of all the times that Alec did that, his mood and emotions switching around like a light switch, it made him worry.

Magnus loved the smell of Alec, even as his breath left him in little white cloud trails, they sat around outside in his family’s cabin, it had belonged to Alec’s grandparents and his family used it every Christmas and summer. They came outside to get away from their new niece, Amalia Herondale, and their other extremely grumpy no-longer-an-only-child toddler of a niece, Arabella. Clary looked absolutely exhausted and Jace while still being a smartass seemed on edge and Magnus almost felt sorry for them, almost.

Izzy and Simon had snuck off to go “sledding” and Alec had sat outside enough that his lips were going blue. “Come with me.” He eventually said and took Magnus by the hand towards the path that lead through the woods. Magnus intertwined their fingers as they walked and Magnus loved that the Lightwoods went all out during Christmas, the branches of the trees decorated in Christmas lights. Moravian stars and glowing balls of twine hung from them, it was always magical to Magnus. He smiled up at the lights and took a deep breath, he turned to kiss Alec’s cheek before walking again. He was abruptly jerked backwards and he turned.

“Alexander, darling,” he went quiet as Alec moved from foot to foot before he started to get down on one knee.

_ I’m so anxious. I wanted to surprise you and I had an idea. _

Magnus froze as Alec dug around in his jacket pocket before pulling out a ring box, in the satin lining was nestled a silver ring with a dotted line of black stones. “No diamonds, like we talked about. But,” Alec’s voice wavered and the box shook a little. “Magnus Bane, I love you more than anything in the world. You are absolutely positively the best thing to ever happen to me. I want to get more cats and maybe some dogs, I want all the time with you there is in the world. I want us to go places and build a house. Please let me be the one that you experience that with. I’m letting you know where I stand and it’s asking you to choose me to make you happy. So will you let me become your husband?”

Magnus wanted to make a quip but he swallowed it down, knowing it wasn’t the time. “Yes, Alexander, yes.”

Alec had pulled them out of the way just into the forest line and Magnus didn’t care that it was cold. He didn’t care that the tree bark was rough against his cheek as Alec thrust into him repeatedly, he quietly moaned Alec’s name into his palm. Pressed chest to back, Alec kissed the side of his face and pressed an arm around his waist to hold him close.

Izzy gave them a look when they came back disheveled and Alec’s face was flushed but bright. The ring glittered on Magnus’ finger and he proudly showed it off to everyone. Magnus wanted to get married as quickly as possible but his fiance was in no hurry, Alec said they had all the time, just let him get through school.

And Magnus did, he cut down on his hours to fit Alec’s last semester of school, if not then there’d be no one to take care of the cats or the apartment. No one to cook or clean, and Magnus knew his job wasn’t as important as Alec’s or school. He didn’t mind being a househusband at all.

He didn’t mind it as he clapped as Alec walked past him when Alexander Gideon Lightwood was announced, the blue almost metallic under the lights. His gown was decorated with the tokens of his honors, the tassel on his cap swung with each step. The smile that lit up his face made Magnus fall in love with him all over again. When he walked back by and met Magnus’ eyes they mouthed ‘I love you’ to each other.

“There’s my smart brother,” Izzy hugged him and Magnus snapped pictures of everyone. “Now we have to plan your wedding!”

Simon gave a little smile, “I’ve been trying to rein her in, Alec. It’s like she’s possessed with the idea of wedding cake.”

Alec smiled, no he never seemed to stop smiling, his parents hugged him, and Jocelyn and Luke were there too. They all planned to go out as a family to celebrate, Magnus gladly stayed behind, as everyone else left first, to wait on Alec, who was making his rounds to see everyone he wanted to. A hand took his and he smiled up at his fiance, watching a look slide into his eyes.

“I’m going to have you every way I can when we get home tonight. You understand?” Alec whispered in his ear before they walked to the car. Magnus had never been more in love and happier than he was.

Happiness didn’t last Magnus soon found out, Alec started pulling away again and was always busy. Magnus still had his part time job, and he had dinner made when Alec got home. But all his fiance could do was walk through the door take a few bites and then head off to bed. Magnus had hoped it was the new job, and possibly school since Alec started his first semester of grad school. Maybe he’d cheer up since their anniversary was around the corner.

Magnus sat at the table and stared at his fork, somewhere in the past almost three years Alec had shifted, they planned on finding a surrogate to have children with, not at the moment but in the future. Then Alec had started acting a little weird, saying there was no rush to have children. There was no rush to move out of their apartment, and no rush to get married. They have been engaged for a year, Simon and Izzy got engaged and married after they did.

Alec was on his phone, fingers tapping away, he maybe spoke two words to Magnus since they sat down. “Alexander,” he reached out to run a finger down the back of a pale hand. Alec looked up almost annoyed, eyebrow raised.

Magnus dropped his hand, hurt. Something was wrong, they weren’t as intimate as they once were, Alec only got in the mood every now and then. A few passing kisses and not enough hugs or I love you’s. And anytime Magnus talked Alec pulled out his phone and seemed to tune out everything around him.

It hit him once when he stopped by Alec’s office to have lunch with him, they had gotten in a big fight before Alec left for work and Magnus wanted to make it up to him. His coworkers were confused. Alec had told them he didn’t feel well and went home after an hour. Home where Magnus just came from.

He sat at the laptop on the coffee table, anxiety pooling in his stomach. He never did this, never snooped on anything of Alec’s but he needed to know. The text conversation was open on the screen and Magnus read over it.

Alec was stressed, all him and Magnus did was fight.

Alec needed a break.

Alec planned to leave work to go where he needed a hug.

A break at a house not with him.

Magnus didn’t hesitate to call Alec’s phone leaving a very angry voicemail went it wasn’t answered. His heart broke and he didn’t know what to do.

“She’s a friend, Lydia is a friend.” Alec had screamed as he paced back and forth. “I can’t believe you went through my computer, that’s a breach of trust.”

“You lied to me. You went over to some girl’s place.” Magnus had quietly replied from his seat on the couch. “You’re cheating on me.”

“No I’m not.” Alec stopped to glare at the man sitting before him. “She is just a friend.”

A friend Magnus was introduced to, a friend that Alec eventually let slip that he wouldn’t have minded bringing into the bed at least once. Magnus said okay, Magnus wanted everything to be okay.

It wasn’t okay.

He noticed that none of the Lightwoods were friends with him on facebook first. He then realized that Alec wasn’t on his relationship tag. His heart raced as he tried to call the man and got a text that he was busy.

He went out with his friend Cat after her shift and his, his own schooling bringing him to have clinic in her hospital. She held him as he cried, phone hanging loosely from his fingers.

_ All we do is fight and I’m not happy. I think we need a break. I’ll explain everything later I promise. _

It had been weeks and Cat and Ragnor had moved Magnus into an apartment, his stuff was packed and outside in the lobby waiting for him. He didn’t eat too busy crying as Ragnor would only stare out the window, jaw tight.

“I just don’t get it. They seemed happy.” Cat had whispered.

Magnus missed his cats, his bed. The bed that Lydia was probably sleeping in. Alec said no one else would share his bed for a while but Magnus didn’t believe him. Alec had promised Magnus that he could say no whenever, that Magnus betrayed his trust and did everything wrong even though he went over to Lydia’s. He promised Magnus a family, and a life together. At least Magnus got to keep the ring, a ring he had taken off and tucked so far down in his dresser drawer to forget.

He couldn’t forget, everything played behind his closed eyelids. The good and the bad, he wanted another chance. He wanted Alec, there’d never be anyone else for him. It had been months and as Magnus sat finishing up a paper for nursing school he got the feeling that someone was staring at him. His eyes scanned the room and he wished that he hadn’t, Alec was sitting a few tables over, laptop and papers out before him. Their eyes met and Magnus started packing everything up.

Alec had gotten up and leaned against the table before he was fully packed. It took one look and a smile and Magnus found himself pressed against his new apartment’s door. He didn’t hesitate to let Alec take him to bed, it was like riding a bike.

It continued on for a few months like that, every few weeks Alec would come over. Magnus didn’t care. Magnus was happy just to have Alec show him a little attention, a little bit of what could be care and concern. A hint of love that Alec supposedly didn’t have for him anymore.

He did notice one hookup the ring on Alec’s hand when they were done, “I’m uh getting married to Lydia.” Alec had told him when asked. Magnus’ world crumbled, she was going to be Mrs. Lightwood. Alec, oblivious or knowingly hurting Magnus, told him about the house they were moving into, about the third cat they got.

“Don’t you have a wedding tomorrow?” Magnus had crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, Alec stood on the other side face blank.

Magnus couldn’t tell him no. So he let Alec take him on the couch, he let Aelc tell him that he loved him. Magnus’ couldn’t not say it back, he still loved him with everything in his heart. Even if it broke all the strings inside him to love Alec still.

“Would you like to do lunch? I can call something in.” He asked hopefully, maybe Alec was having second thoughts. He pressed his cheek against Alec’s back and breathes him in, hoping.

“I have to go.” Was all that was whispered, no second thoughts.

“Alexander, wait.” Magnus knew it was a wasteful breath of air. He watched as Alec paused, hand on the door. It rose up in him a little bit of that light, that happiness. Then it all snuffed out when Alec walked through the door, it closing behind him.

He didn’t see Alec after that, or hear from him. Magnus didn’t know what to do, he stopped a semester short of graduating. Cat had begged him to get out, to not let Alexander break him.

It took a long time.

Magnus realized that it didn’t hurt as much when he ran into them, or well he saw them they didn’t see him, and Lydia’s stomach was showing the start of a rounded belly. While it made Magnus bitter and part of him loathed that she was getting everything he wanted from Alec, he didn’t have it in him to love Alec like he used to.

_ A part of me will always love you, I’m sorry.  _

Was the closing line of the letter he mailed to the Lightwood residence before he finished packing his things. Ragnor had accepted a university professor position in London and Magnus decided to go with him. In time Magnus no longer looked at any of their social media pages. In time Magnus could remember the memories and look back fondly and not feel the strings break. And in time Magnus was able to smile at the handsome man who had asked him out when Magnus accidentally ran into him with a paper cup full of coffee.

“Hi, I’m Mark Blackthorn.”

“Magnus Bane.”

**Author's Note:**

> So please don't leave any comments about how this is a terrible story because Alec and Magnus deserve to be together and this is horrible because they're not together. I wanted to write a story, once again, about a couple you couldn't ever see having this happen to their relationship. A story of two people who get caught up in their relationship and don't exist outside of each other.
> 
> This is probably going to be the only Malec thing where in the end they don't get together I will ever post. Also I will anxiously await any and all reviews because I am nervous to post this.
> 
> I can answer questions through DMs on Twitter: @MintQueenJo or Tumblr: nightofstarfallanddreams.  
I would like to not answer the questions in the comments for some reasons.
> 
> Also do not come into my messages to bitch at me for being homophobic. If you want the details of the story I’ll gladly tell you if you ask.


End file.
